RANSVESTIA

The bondsman arrived after what seemed an eternity. I paid him the money and, in turn, he told me to come with him. The embarrassment actually intensified when I reached his car and found that he had brought along his girlfriend. She seemed facinated by my appearance and couldn't understand why a man wearing women's clothing was breaking the law. She, like the others, asked if I was homosexual and although I was sick of answering that question by this time, I again explained that a transvestite was not necessarily a homosexual.

I was driven to my car and then followed to the motel where I wrote a check to the bondsman. He told me that the $100.00 bond would take care of the charges and, unless I hoped to reduce the fine, I was not required to appear in court. Natur- ally, I decided not to appear. The next day, after trying to behave as normally as possible through the conference I was attending, I disposed of all my feme attire and vowed that I would never again dress in anything other than male clothing.

For an entire week, I apprehensively read the daily newspa- pers published in the city looking for an account of my arrest. Thank God, nothing ever appeared. I had gotten off without anyone who actually knew me finding out.

I kept my vow for three of the past five years. Then, I could not longer contain my desires to dress up. Until very recently, how- ever, I wore only lingerie very discreetly under my male clothing. Finallt, decided to go "all the way" again. When I dressed completely for the first time since that awlful night five years ago, the feeling of exhilaration and freedom was as overpowering as remembered it to be the time I first tried on my mother's dresses. I don't have the courage to go out dressed as I once did, but the urge is certainly there. I recognize now that going out undetected in public while dressed as a woman was a way to gain acceptance of my borrowed gender. For this reason, I would like to apply for membership in TRi-Sigma and, through the organization, perhaps regain the feeling of acceptance without the risk of repeating my nightmare. I think that I have matured enough now to realize that I am a transvestite without any real hope of ever permanently shedding this aspect of my life, and, really, I have no desire to change this.

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